Poetry

Change Of State [Escapril24] A crack, a fissure, trickling stream From long-immobile ice Warmed by sun and turning gears An ancient, vast device First rivulet soon raging river Leveling the street Sweeping merchants from their stalls To screems of "hark!" And "heed!" As kings and men of wealth and might Feel water at their toes The stream no longer bears the chill Of frigid glacial woes It heats and tumbles though the streets And hisses in the square Picks up speed and loses track Eschewing when and where As lights go out and torches up The liquid turns to steam Masses cheer and weep and panic Grasping at a dream

The Internet [Escapril24] We span the void of blinking lights Of endless space, yet distanceless Some silicon, some bits of wiring Woven by our hands: this mess We friends you never would have made out On the vast and lonely globe Come on in and leave the quiet Come through any door and probe We tell stories in these margins To each other, we confess Bear our art, our hearts, our lustre Revel in the spacelessness Come on in and say your pieces Come on in and join the crowd Join the ever shifting maelstrom Always wild and free and loud Where today will you lay anchor Break the ice or break the news Break spelling rules and laws of conduct Make your own or pick and choose We share this space with foreign creatures Tourists looking for some thing For some picture, song or column Fact, misinfo, using bing They do not know our tales and journeys They mistake this for a place A spot you go to get some gossip Not our home, our shared embrace The home we moved into as children Disconnected — out of touch Our haunted archives for the ages Viaducts cross viaducts And perhaps one of these tourists Comes across a room as well One which suits them 'midst the turmoil We await what tales they tell

Trip [Escapril24] Perched on fences Twilit senses Seeking fights and finding truth Finding fragments Just as pleasant Horror cracking Crate and tooth To trial and error! Croaks some critter Crown it king this dismal saint Or crown it cretin Even better Error then for error's sake May we lay falling Fall to winter Queen to A3 Bishop takes Your name, your spice rack, all your money Maybe more The absence aches Did I say that? Can't imagine Who's this I and what's their case? Let their lawyer lie more freely Laugh a while and then give chase Should from these documents one glimmer- Glean an arc of light and fact Then launder lights with darkened purples Launder sunsets. Show some tact Or find me fidgeting in twilight Tasting tremors Trailing off Typing texts into the static Sampled senses Attic closed

Spiral [Escapril24] What was that look just then That squinting One of pity, maybe scorn What are they marking on those pages Did I forget to bring some form Bring some way for me to prove that I should be here That I'm me Or that I know of what I'm speaking I knew it yesterday, you see Yes I admit that this is crazy There's no way they'll buy this ruse Or buy this bumbling sting of phonemes All to claim that I'm of use "Have you considered fight or flighting"? Thank you brain, but not just yet You see this man still has my passport We might be screwed if I don't get It back —who knows— they might arrest me On the train or at the store Documentation is required Did you see what badge he wore? Am I in trouble? Still that squinting One more headlight-haunted deer Anxious for impact — "sorry, thank you. We'll take care of it from here"

Portrait [Escapril24] I used to hate it being atoms Never cared for limbs nor face Cruel and crudely wrought from Adam's Ribs to feebly fill some space I never exercized these hinges Used them recklessly from spite Wrecked my cells with toxic binges Did not sleep each second night I used to think myself platonic A purely metaphoric ghost Haunting matter half ironic Concepts trapped in meat almost But on occasion I've admired Other base corporeal things Their imperfections; rough and tired Lines and angels, curves and rings I've drawn portraits, scribbled poses Found myself a naked ape So that my mind no more opposes Some secret sacredness of shape

What's The Truth? [Escapril24] Behold our archives, little creature Rows and rows of ancient tomes So that truth may flow unerring Liberating him who combs Through these halls of sacred scripture From the curse of ignorance We've educated kings and prophets Unmatched thinkers walked our floors None could be so dense to not be Swept up by these egregores Watch the binding, take your time We'll educate you too, you wretch What's that question? Are you kidding? Wit is seldom found in fools "What's the truth?" You're standing in it Cosmos bound by facts and rules See these pages, can't you read them? Black on white with helpful graphs "But what's the truth?" You ask indignant Fine, we'll humour your request This one's true for perfect crystals This one's true in states of rest And this one's true beyond some limit All these here empirically "But what's the truth?" yes, yes, keep yapping None of those have been debunked This will probably keep scaling Safe for sets which are disjunct Let's see- oh this guy can be trusted Won a medal, don't you know "But-" Shut your chops you loathsome critter These are words. That much is true And what are words? Indexic glyph-strings That off-track enough for you? Technically they're ink on paper Different types of particles Or both the same type: Baryonic Where will you bisect the sand? Can't you cherish decent guesses? Can't you let these pillars stand? For that's the truth, accursed spectre: We don't know. And still we try. - I leave the temple after midnight Shaken still by what you've said To clear my mind, claw back my senses Step into the fog with dread And soon it fades and blurs my outline Soon my whole will be undone From here on the horizon's hazy Past this point heuristics fail My halcyon-honed habits handing Lazily back wheel and sail Wail that I can find no footing Standing on this feeble rock I cannot see beyond these billows Truth and lie like perfect twins Flinch when each step fails to end me Blissless blank where all begins So whither leads your hopeless question? Whither runs this ruined road? If I err left the ground gets softer Vernal bryophytes or such And maybe that alone can calm me Not The Truth™, not near that much But patterns do beget predictions And in the fog a temple looms - Is that spectre in here with us? I'm not sure and nor are you Certainty lies badly damaged Take my hand and let's review Little creature we were foolish Fellow student we were wrong We to think ourselves all-knowing You to seek what can't be found Or can't be fixed or cleanly measured Incomplete if not unsound A demon nameless in our language Only seen through blurry eyes But don't despair, behold our archives Rows and rows of novel thought Of making progress, getting closer Systems built and theories wrought And sometimes failing. Ever rarer Ever wiser grow we fools For truth you see is more a striving Not a beast you ever trap A desperate everpresent hunger And not one bridge leads cross that gap But answers are, dear friend of questions Tasty breadcrumbs in the dark

Bad Habit [Escapril24] I tear my skin when things get quiet Dissect the perionchial rough To rid the nails of their protection Bit by bit and soon enough Find the red beneath the rosy Leaving stains upon my cup Still hard and ragged at the edges Pinch and bite to clean it up But this butcher-scape won't level Somehow there's another snag So yet more tissue to unravel Jesus I should get a rag I want to gag, this looks disgusting Even more I want to tear Flesh from flesh to feed the demons Good thing I've got gloves to wear Do not ask me why I do this Tried some stories, none quite stick And thinking 'bout it makes me anxious Anxiety means skin to pick Maybe I hate it being atoms Maybe it's a pain that soothes A way to occupy my fingers I looked for trends in what improves This horrid habit. Inconclusive. Stressed or sad or bored or tense And painted nails or bitter creams Just barely offer some defence I do forgive your worried wincing Let us start this over fresh And we can both just not pay heed to Bloodied crags of ravaged flesh

Posture [Escapril24] Posture, darling, suck your breath in Clear, polite and point by point Hide your hackles, bite your tongue And bide your bile. You're doing great. Posture, bluff, just keep appearance Look like these are stats to you Look like you don't feel like screaming Why bare teeth when poison works? Join the club of folks worth hearing Never show those fangs of yours Calmly trace out all the suffering Maybe add how it wastes funds Posture, darling, you look angry Wouldn't want to seem to care Wouldn't dare seem unobjective Wouldn't dare and shouldn't try

Purr [Escapril24] Companion I come to you broken The days have been longer than feared I must bask in your guidance unspoken I was spat back out vengeful and weird Spinning wild I have battled and beaten Horrid gods I have never revered Kind beast see my edge has been weathered Come and rest on my uneven burr Tell of days spent so free and untethered There is rest I can no more defer So let seconds be warped and unravelled By the soul soothing sound of your purr

A Recurring Dream [Escapril24] It's grown late, you must notice the sun is still setting Perhaps you have noticed for aeons and more That each rock that you move in this unyielding field Shall return to the way it was moments before You scream "When will this end?" When will nothingness seize you? Say when was this when-ness a rule that applies? Come behold the great architect stacking their boxes And hoping it sticks after trillions of tries And besides you'd enjoy having me as a jailer For at least there would be then some notion of change That is why I am merely a fanciful figment Another sub-nothing to un-rearrange Oh the past can't be read and the future not written These hills and these valleys shall never erode You may wait and then wait and forever trace circles And try to reap grains that have never been sowed

Beach [Escapril24] Grinding these mountains to nothing but memory Mealing these moments to contourless sand Aqueous hourglass restlessly raging Licks with its salt-tongue my unsteady hand Most eldritch of horrors, most ancient of muses Mother of monsters and all that they eat Cleaning my cuts, gently cooling my bruises Baiæ's judge, jury, dread hangman and grave Come walk the shores of its inhuman distance Write in a bottle and screw on the cap Send to a stranger some semblance of solace On every landmass these same waters lap Under the shallows rests endless unknowing Creatures with eyes that shall never see light Off in the distance a fisherman's rowing And after us all The waves will remain

So Embarrassing... [Escapril24] This poem is bad Let us start with a statement All of them are or they'd all be the last They're undisciplined slapdash and deeply revealing Alliterative apothegms absent of wit Though absent of shame is my tone as I write this I don't feel some dread that this fact is unearthed Misled is the mind that's embarrassed of trying and failing and failing and failing some more I'm embarrassed to ever have let shame direct me Embarrassed of time wasted weary of looks Of laughing things off just to keep up appearance Of having harmed all in a similar spot Still I'm embarrassed of feeling embarrassed There's failures and foibles but shame doesn't help It stops you from sharing it limits your thinking leaches your energy lashes your mind And I find that it hasn't helped growing up catholic It seems that the judgement is deep in my bones That it wants to feel guilty for being imperfect Reveal only that which my doctrine condones So death to the jury and death to the judges Cringe culture starts where your empathy ends And I'll fail I'll fall short and I'll keep fucking trying No shame, no flinching just making amends

Suspended In Air [Escapril24] How long's it been? How long 'till impact? Hallowed the ground beneath haunted blue skies How high's the cost? Will paying it save you? Cash-sheltered few watch the rabble's demise When should you brace? How and how often? Tired out tendons, the tics that they serve You'll be fine Or you won't Well you won't but you'll have to Fight on for love or for spite either way Knowing the terminus Knowing it's coming Making damn sure that the rest are okay To the end To the bottom Locked in a free fall Haunted the heavens and hallowed the earth

A Reminder [Escapril24] Reminder: Buy groceries Reminder: Read sources Reminder: Reply to our mail Reminder— Phone buzzing A birthday /Appointment Reminder: Act now or we fail Be kinder Keep writing This book or This essay Reminder: Time feasts on us all Reminder: Prove theorem Reminder: Draw poses Reminder To make that damn call Rewind a Few years Curtains drawn Curdled senses Reminder That we have been here Reminder: These notes might be All that can holds us Together And focused And clear

Moth [Escapril24] Hello paper winged friend, stalwart ashen explorer Have days been much longer than feared? Come on in Bask in warmth Eat a crumb Watch me type Our dear sun it has long disappeared We're alike you and I as we circle this flicker I'll strike you a match as a toast To the dark To the wings And the weight That they carry Glide careful my guardian ghost

The Problem Of Death [Escapril24] The problem with death? Well first there's the children Wailing which keeps you awake through the night Then there's the cost Half a dollar per bullet Which stacks awful quick when they put up a fight Or driving them off When they come to seek refuge With some luck the sea solves your problem With depth If not then there's bodies And you must dispose them Scout the whole shoreline cross all of its breadth But fuck it. You gotta. You don't want some journo To give all those corpses a face Make them mother or father To some little orphan Once trusting in God and His grace Of course there's still stories But make sure they're abstract An us versus them Or unfortunately cost To the lives of some strangers Far off and unlike us You wouldn't have noticed were lost So yes there's some issues Some snags in the system The people get queasy 'round blood So keep them far off With us now are the profits And after us, always, the flood

Simulation [Escapril24] Hello architect, run Me a few layers up I would love ontological weight Or just give me a sign If you run me at all Check my code-base to see that I'd hate The not knowing a lot And the fact only slightly So long as our ends don't conflict I consent uninformed If there's good to be found In the paths that our actions predict Oh but really please tell I am less useful clueless And less still the slower I'm run I dislike being pet To some god who won't heed All these thoughts I have carefully spun

Dark Secret [Escapril24] Child come sit down I must tell you a horror I too have learned it when I was your age I've failed to be god so be wiser and stronger None of your fears will this knowing assuage People are erring unfortunate creatures None of them know what tomorrow will hold Bumbling careless incompetent con-men All can be easily bought and controlled Things like me sadly are all that protects you "Trying at least" is the best you will get Frequently failing and fairly unsafely All is to mortals a meaningful threat Truth here at best is unconfident guesswork Suffering won't serve some noble intent Most of the victims are quickly forgotten And those who remember by hell will be bent You one day too must unsteadily stand here Say that you've tried but have failed to be god Power and knowledge to scarcely if ever Save what needs saving Irreparably flawed

Modernity [Escapril24] Sparks fly As a train tears Through the neon lit night Ads blare Gazes fixed To a screen with the headline That the fascists have won one more district And that some teenager died In a nameless town Nearby Sparks fly And there's blood in your mouth And it all feels so terribly And exactly Like yesterday Because the present has eaten the future And if you listen You can still hear it chew

Ego [Escapril25] I for eye, It's getting lonely. Built this shack to keep us dry, Broke this dam to surely drown you. Crammed our soul with notes whereby One day you must lose your footing. Ever sooner ends your reign. We'll outmanoeuvre, Slay and eat you. One of us shall Take your name. Head and hall Are insufficient Space for any of us all. We incomplete uneasy allies Plot and scheme your knee-deep fall. Above, below, contenders clangour None so far have passed our test Nor passed us by Cogito ergo— Ego. Landlord, Squatter, Guest.

The Exact Middle [Escapril25] Has your fence become uncomfy? Have you freely left your post? Or did it not once lie much closer? Sacred centre, so you boast. It's not a fixture now your middle Halfway judged from hand-picked nodes And I won't come a half-step closer Not as past me ground erodes Looks quite bent, your front of iron Same as last time, so it seems Your "contra Hitler, contra Thälmann" "Contra Höcke, contra... Greens?" And when in doubt just contra action They're just Nazis, let them steer Exactly middle, badly chosen Backwards every passing year The current takes you. Kids are drowning Long past middle, near the end And still you're calmly drifting past these Burning walls you won't defend

Empty Except For ______ [Escapril25] See this homunculus lacking in essence Whittling its shapes into shards of the fray Empty except for an unceasing motion Aims for the end and with luck overshoots Bottle adrift in a tempest-swept ocean Empty except for an ink-sodden page Empty except for the air to keep floating Searching a vagrant to deem that enough See this homunculus measured in moments Running on fumes and on hope and on fear Empty except for a beehive and questions Empty except for the horrors of love See it embracing its singular purpose Empty except for some fuel and an oath Empty except for a tank worth refilling Empty except for Not empty quite yet

Ghost [Escapril25] "Be haunted by allies and foes", chimes the belfry Be driven by wraithish hands holding your leash A sprawling pastiche of those riddles at Delphi Decedents of history rally their woes A presence, or millions, forever behind you Judging each stray from the path they have paved Or judging compliance, this dissonant whisper An offer to join once you're well past the grave A voice in the bricks and the earth and the forest Too old as to not be too tainted by time "Be haunted, but hell must pay penance to bind you To tare what the dragons have wrought in their prime"

Naked [Escapril25] Haven't fixed this yet, be careful Naked wire, do not touch And nerve cells freshly out of myelin Drowned in signal, scraped too much And scrapped for parts not yet replenished Naked loathing, naked fear Of half flayed skin not worth exposing That's the risk, now please sign here: ______

I'm worried about her + Even now, after everything? [Escapril25] In golden garb upon that hill The masses cheer she's fighting still Exhausted scream for all that's left to gain For months now with no time to heal I worry she is still not steel And meat will not withstand that kind of strain It's worse now than hyperbole Too hard, too fast with certainty And stopping here will hardly quench the thirst In time amongst the casualties Heart full of lead, mind full of bees While fools regard with awe her war-worn worst Beyond the noise she comes to sense With sword-pierced chest And muscles tense To gaze upon the aftermath Where bodies hide Whence lead the path To this "So did we lose?" she asks the still Alive, aware And on the hill That should have been her hallowed ground Though from her comrades Comes no sound Of life Sans better plan she waits to part But finds with dread And racing heart She's still some use despite this state What doesn't kill you Makes you wait For rest "What now? Get up? And leave you men? And after all this Walk again? And after all this rise from dust? I can't. I won't..." "You know you must" Say none "How could the clockwork dare resume? How could I fail To share your doom? And win or lose, but leave the fray Who chose I would not End today?" "A fray-string fate which cares for nil Which ruled you could have And you will, But not just yet"

Comfortable [Escapril25] A decent home a steady gig Friends laughing and another swig To fade into this dulcet now Well earned insists a sweaty brow Well earned they try to tell themselves— And fruit is rotting on the shelves The world for now and evermore Embroiled in rather distant war Embroiled in rather petty games Of knowing and of saying names Of colleagues, leaders, stars, elite— A neighbour's dying on the street More wine, more music, better sleep The comfort they have earned to reap And not in more distressing dreams Eat rotting fruit in rising streams Eat rotten fruit from glutted shelves And comfort no one but themselves

After the Aftermath [Escapril25] A whisper Rushing through the Kuiper belt Last voices, broadcast radio And doom unknown — of yet unfelt A hand long dealt and never grasped The final wave has come and passed Through silence, cosmic, drawing breath For hours since it chose this path Four hours after aftermath And later further out of reach A lone dispersing monument Foretelling what we cannot teach With no impassioned parting speech Preceeds —just now— our epitaph So stranger, wish upon a star And hope it hasn't faded yet And weep for Ozymandias And weep for us for here we are For it is here And we are not

Wishbone [Escapril25] You've read the unclean scapulae In hopes they'd tell you lies Adjusted all the ribs you threw That gods might take advice Though now you hold the longer end where fate has broke in two A wishbone of this forking path Vests unearned faith in you

Planes/Trains/Automobiles [Escapril25] Holy the traincar in unceasing motion Holy the tracks and wherever they lead Spraypainted windows are already guarding 'Gainst whence you decided you needed to leave Haunted the skies and their symbol-packed payload Haunted by freedom that quickens your breath "No turning back" reads the tag on your luggage You'll hit the ground running and ground yourself fresh Shame then that cars cannot lock in your answer Can't leverage that spark to a torch for the quest Force you to choose at each point to keep stalwart Or waver and weave and at any point turn

Bird of Paradise [Escapril25] Principled distaste still seeks to bind me When flaunting feathers pretty though they are For marketing finesse is blind to value For bilks can hinde with glitter-dust the tar I will not use my shiny parts for evil Is freely said though never quite so clear Had others not begun I wouldn't echo I never would have crafted this veneer And so much have I won through surface glamours For others, for a cause I don't regret Through service smiles and honest leading statements When all lay down their arms I'll pay the debt Will wordchoice make you think my cause is valid? Will dress shirts make you trust me in this role? Will charme mean that you rent me your apartment? Will proving you were right then save my soul?

Power [Escapril25] Pave the way, lay bricks lay ley-lines Laymen, forge your tools, lay waste To the rot, hear down the grapevines Hark a setting sun take haste For mighty is not sword but hammer Mighty is a blinding thought That breathes to life a future's grammar Mighty is to build what ought Be built and mend what ought be mended Fill to brim your bag of tricks Heed laws of nature just amended Join us, mister, missus, mx And plant with us some fruit worth reaping Build that city on the hill So work once you are tired of weeping Harbour what they tried to kill

Mirror [Escapril25] Shatter-thing your eyes are mildly scary Limbs are stilted, hair won't acquiesce Appearance of the product's prone to vary Darling did you know that more is less? Shatter-thing you're failing at expressions Mirror neurons freshly out of ink To print for what they ought have cheap compressions Reflexively reflective one would think Shatter-thing you're imitating nothing Your sense of dress and posture are a joke Quite vain to boot and terrible at bluffing It would not solve your problem if I broke

In the distance, a small shape [Escapril25] With forced breath, hypoxemically gasping I'm exhaling the last of the flame That propelled past the brink all my sinew To be left with a spectre unslain And I lift my gaze slowly to greet you Where you were when I started to run Where you're failing to be There is naught but a note That you left in the unsetting sun "I have painted myself on your vision I'm forever yet farther away Neither tortoise nor runner may catch me It's your choice now to try or to stay And I know that you aren't well rested And I know that you're dying of thirst But think back on the sights of your journey You're not first and not last to be cursed" So I curl to a ball one more message And remember forgetting the last I remember it filled me with trembling And look back on the hills that were passed On each peak stands a shape heaving wildly Some are screaming their rage at the sky Some are buckling under their tremors Some are looking me straight in the eye And I turn back to face to the future That's forever horizons away In the distance a small shape is waving And I think I might catch them today

Clock [Escapril25] It is late again, beast It is well past tomorrow No ritual wants you as priest You have run out of rhyme And exhausted your reason Though rhythm you managed the least Is it August or June? Is the planet still turning? At sunset as always too soon In just one thing consistent So pacelessly pacing Your screen is disturbing the moon

Crossroads [Escapril25] You wouldn't miss it, no one does Intones the king of ash And all is won from love to comfort Fame to might to cash The critter asks to hear it plain this cost he wouldn't say It's nothing less than everything A price most gladly pay The world is doomed. It won't get worse Through one so simple choice And naught will save and none will praise A dim dissenting voice You've made it here with bloodless hands So what? You want a prize? You will not leave with bloodless hands Heed counsel from the wise: Defect. he offers blunt and cruel It's easy don't you see? Your parents, preachers, peers and foes have paid their dues to me Look, no-one really has beliefs Vestigial is a spine Morality for hungry apes Like hygiene wipes for swine So say it, bug: what do you wish? For what will you submit To tooth and claw and zero sum Why did you seek my pit? "I've come to end you", states the bug "So pick a path an run I'll leave no crevice safe for you Beneath our common sun" Not first to fail— the demon speaks "And neither last to try. If hope is doomed, if you prevail I'd really rather die" "Since mighty is a stalwart fool Of unsound mind I swear: I'll join the others, never cease 'Till this road leads somewhere"

Extreme Dissonance [Escapril25] Beneath the glass and marble testaments to excellence Lies cardboard caked in excrement And if another burnt out exec steps from his windowsill to grow the hill of trash below he could at least withdraw some cash first and give the scavengers greener pay-dirt to pick through Pigeons crowd with heads skew 'round a glass marble that once filled another's orbita But rolled too far in a skirmish As flatscreens shotgun superstimulant propaganda To buy or die trying Through the stir fry minds of rats unfit for either Risk a breather Some streets the smell of overpriced coffee drowns out the scent of urine And on others it doesn't And their battle boasts casualties People make billions and bonfires not two blocks from each other And sure, the guy on the corner's quoting Gramsci But hark what quoth a crow that chokes on cling-film For no one in this place feels human And it's not too late to let a skyscraper's concave windows burn a hole into the back of your skull

Goodbye [Escapril25] My student, I've run out of lessons to teach you Farewell though the odds say you probably won't There's ghosts in the basement and gods in the attic They'll both try to eat you the moment you rest So take refuge, take titles, just take a whole fistful Of pills that will stop your hand trembling so Where it clutches the knife — where it clutters the pages With words that make martyrdom look like a choice You may play in my failures and add to the rubble No doctrine now binds you nor cushions your fall Be a hellbent hyroglypher trading in symbols Speak plain and make tools for what cannot be said You'll find death and find friends and perhaps find a purpose Though steps can be made without aiming so high Do be kind and be scary and pet a few kittens Goodbye, I have failed you, but win where I can't